my mouth tastes like poor choices
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
