I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Randomize