Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
