so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I just threw up on my dentist
he thought i was a dude.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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