She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize