One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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