I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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