well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Two words: blizzard sex
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
