i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
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