hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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