I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
