i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
