It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
