Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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