Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
