Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
