Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
