So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
