Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
