This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Two words: nipple clamps
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