that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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