But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
