girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
