She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
