You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
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