Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
