Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Barsexuality is the new black.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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