oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
