My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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