I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
