you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
