He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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