i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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