She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Houston, we have a blender
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Randomize
