i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
This baby is an asshole
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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