Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
being pregnant is like rehab
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
