i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
