Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I understand Curling. That high.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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