I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
