It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
