I can't watch pbs sober anymore
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
