I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
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