i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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