Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
