Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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