I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
