i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
