I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
