when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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