the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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