is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize