cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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