i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
