I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
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