So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I think I won the penis lottery.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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