in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
