i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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