I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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