I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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