really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
