who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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