who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
