So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
