i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
