Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
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I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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