I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
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