Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
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