is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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