Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
