my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
