so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
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It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
whose parrot is this?
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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