someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
