fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
