the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
