I can tuck mytits in my pants
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
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