Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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