Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
