today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
