I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
