Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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