I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
