ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
