im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
