It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
