We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
